the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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