make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
