I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
