My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pinky promised me she was 18
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Pants are for mortals
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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