Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
