i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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