I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
