The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
