On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
