You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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