I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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