if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
