One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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