i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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