I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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