I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she peed on how many people?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
