Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
