Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
