I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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