Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
