he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
