I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
