Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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