I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
