Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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