allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
it was like eating out sand paper
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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