hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
