6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
