so that wasnt chicken after all
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
