A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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