He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
