My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
