Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
