I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
