Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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