put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.