the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
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My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way