Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
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He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
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he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"