I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
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I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
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All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.