i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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