how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can