she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
