Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
