This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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