I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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