I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
