hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
