PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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