Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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