cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
