how do flat chested girls get laid?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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