The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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