Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
