Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
