I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i think i have two assholes
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
