I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
