Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
