You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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