More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
do nipples grow back?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
