I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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