I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize