Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
