I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
