take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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