To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
