I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
