you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
