thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
